For those of you who might give a crap – and I know most of you don’t, it rained here today. Now most of you conscious folk who happen to live in the area will know that. So why am I wasting your time with this? Well, I’ll tell you.
You see, I checked the weather on the internet this morning, not two hours before it rained, and you want to know what the chance of rain was? You want to know?
The chance of me running out to my truck and getting soaked from the monsoon-like torrent that was coming down on top of my head was ZERO! The chance of me having to roll that truck’s window up to keep the rain from soaking the driver’s seat was ZERO!
That’s what the weather service provided me. That was the information that they bestowed upon my naïve trusting ass because they are the weather guys. They know what they’re talking about, right? It’s science, right? And I’m all about giving people the benefit of the doubt except this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. I guess it’s just not an exact science. I mean what exactly are they doing that they can go from zero percent chance of rain to the sky opening up and drenching me?
And I checked the radar! Nothing! There wasn’t a cloud in the sky according to them. I played it back to put that weather-in-motion thing that everybody has now and NOTHING! It’s like nothing ever happened. There was no rain, no clouds, NOTHING! I guess all that getting wet while running around in the rain business was just my imagination, huh? And I guarantee there was some ditz chirping about the great hot day on the Grand Strand while I’m taking a bath with my clothes on! Do we really need the weather people telling us what’s going on with their green screen and their Doppler radar and stupid hand gestures and walking back and forth across the tv screen. You can’t have a tornado everyday!
So how did they come up with this train wreck of a forecast? I think they’re just making it up, playing Wheel of Fortune on this big wheel they’ve got in their secret weather bunker except instead of dollars, they’ve got weather forecasts, you know, temperatures and chances of something happening. And then they give the big wheel a spin! Hey, it’s going to be 99° and NO CHANCE OF RAIN! And if they screw it up, they give you some kind of B.S. about “accuracy in our weather forecasts is important to us because it’s important to you.” You know, no apology for ruining your upholstery or your new hairdo, just a bunch of B.S. And we take it!
I mean, what if every job gave you the kind of leeway the weather people get? I mean what if the garbage man didn’t pick up your garbage but he’ll “get it next time”? Or if NASA loses a manned space flight: “I guess Mars wasn’t where we thought it would be – sorry!” Or how about some nuclear missile technician? “Geez, I was just turning this key and the thing went off like a rocket! Did I just start World War III?” Yes! Yes, you did!
I mean, yeah, everybody makes mistakes or has a bad day, but geez, these weather people have screwing up down to a fine art. You just imagine, if a casino owner ran his casino the way these weather people forecast the weather, you’d have Donald Trump…