I’ve dabbled a bit in the world of online poker and while I may not be ready for the big leagues, I’ve had some modicum of success. It’s interesting to see how the game works on TV and then trying to apply some of the strategies of betting and bluffing in the online game. It’s a lot harder than you might think when you can’t really get any physical information; you have to pay a lot closer attention to betting patterns and chip stacks. Then, the inevitable happens: some clown joins the game and decides he’s going to screw it all up. This is the guy I call the Internet Poker Troll.
Now, the guy may not think of himself as a troll – heck, it may not even be a guy – but when this person gets into the game, forget about poker strategies because your nice game of betting and raising just became “all-in, all the time”! It really sucks. You know they don’t care what they have in their hand and if anybody else at the table is smart, they will fold. Congrats, troll, you just won the blinds! There is nothing more annoying than these dipshits and it just makes you want to quit because it’s going to be hand after hand after hand until someone at the table gets dealt a good hand and can go all-in with some confidence. It always happens and these jackholes must know they will eventually lose everything they have because they’re playing like dumbasses! Except I wouldn’t characterize what they’re doing as “playing” – what they’re doing is just all-or-nothing. While that may be “gambling”, it isn’t poker. If you want to gamble like that, go find someone who wants to coin-flip you for money, leave my poker game alone!
Now, I will have to admit I don’t mind seeing the trolls playing in tournaments because once you lose it all, you’re out! So, the troll will eventually get what’s coming to him and take a few unwise souls with him. That’s great for me, ‘cause I won’t play that sucker’s game.
The problem really is that I’m not insane enough to play online poker with real money. I can’t afford it and if I could afford it, I wouldn’t be wasting my time playing online poker! But because the money isn’t real, the trolls don’t care, so they’ll continue to be as stupid as they wanna be because the money doesn’t count. I guess I’ll just have to continue to put up with it and dream my dream of taking down Phil Helmuth with Q-10. HA!