Comic-Book Science Needs A Vacation.

Oh, great!  J.J. Abrams is going to be the new director of the next Star Wars  movie.  I suppose that’s not so bad considering what Lucas did to the franchise with each successive sequel, making the plots more and more implausible and confusing and kid-friendly.  Merchandising!  Don’t forget the merchandising!

But now we get the guy who has made anamorphic lens flares the auto-tune of the movie industry and overused the effect like it was the payoff in a bukkake film.  So, let’s add that to the movie franchise that already has committed the comic-book science sin of the “Praxis Effect” explosions of the Death Star and Alderaan, the impossibility of destroying these objects in a single shot, notwithstanding.  And who got this special effects bull crap started?  That’s right, Star Trek.

Lens flares are unavoidable so long as you are looking through a camera lens.  But this is a pretty good approximation of what you would see if you were floating around.

Lens flares are unavoidable so long as you are looking through a camera lens. But this is a pretty good approximation of what you would see if you were floating around.  © NASA – Oh, who the hell cares because if NASA did it, I already own this through tax dollars!

Bad, J.J.!  Bad!  Unless everything in the universe is finagled by anamorphic lens, you will never, ever see this!

Bad, J.J.! Bad! Unless everything in the universe is finagled by anamorphic lenses, you will never, ever see this!

Um, how about this?  Kind of has that "Star Trek: Nemesis" look, doesn't it?  Still bull crap.

Um, how about this? Kind of has that “Star Trek: Nemesis” look, doesn’t it?                           Nope, still bull crap.

 

So, welcome, J.J. Abrams, to the movie franchise where science fiction and space fantasy are treated as interchangeable terms and the aphorism “monkeys like shiny objects” is more than just a moviemaking process, it’s a way of life!

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